Important to readers, that this is my version or depiction of emotions and experience in my role as a daughter and sister. I understand that everyone who is part of a family has there own. Growing up I always had a void to fill, of being close with my family. I had my ideal family in my head, that we would play, share, connect and challenge one another, but being a little different, and lacking the tools to bring closeness, I learned to isolate and withdraw myself from sharing or interacting with them.
I spent time with friends, and they were a small outlet for me. Your peers at a younger age are impressionable to you because they reflect your age, they share your same world of youngsterville. When we are young, our voice only carries so far, we are just smaller intelligent little people. So for all you parents out there, never dismiss your child because of their age or size, they were born with a brain just like the rest of us adults. The magnificent brain that houses all our motor and logic abilities/ skills. We need validation and acceptance that we are an individual and still an important piece to the many parts of our family unit. I did feel ostracized from my family, or reminded that I was different, but in a negative light. We need input from our family but it can not be all ridicule, negative feedback. Those things stay with you.
I have had mother figures, father figures, sister figures, that stepped in or showed up in my life when my soul needed it. Luckily I did not substitute my void with drugs, alcohol, men, the vices in the world. Some where in my divine being I knew I was more than flesh and bones and pain. We all encounter people that substitute a void and unfortunately for some, they substitute unhealthy and deadly substitutions. Through the years I have learned to fill that void, exploring within myself to improve the love for me, to love me, and to carry it over to my family and the world outside of me. It has always been with me, inside me, the love I have for myself, I just needed to remember and be my best friend and my own adviser. No one sees or hears within you but yourself!
I hope my family comes to understand what has always been in my heart, I would never replace any of them. I do not hold grudges or look back, we all do what we know how at the time, that is why you have to dig deep within yourself when you want to be an example of what you want in your life. When our communication and actions do not convey or express what we truly want to say, or what we need, we should always aspire to strive for that, be better to ourselves and to the world inclusive around us!