We took her to the vet yesterday and I got the worst news. My beautiful dog has bone cancer in her elbow that is why she can not use her leg, and the cancer has spread to her lungs and ribs. I am so sorry for her, my poor babies organs are collapsing, she is slowly dying. I was hoping we had gotten all the cancer. ( she was operated on last May with adenocarcinoma in her mammary gland) She is the best dog, friend I could ever have been blessed with. I have never experienced a direct immediate family loss until now, and its too much. As the tears run down my face, I was not expecting this outcome yet, the facts are not good, however maybe a miracle could happen. She is so brave, still nurturing and still loving after 10 years, worrying about us, despite her condition. I do not want to lose her. I try not to cry near her because she senses all that.
Its a double whammy because it affects my boyfriend just as hard, he is losing his buddy. Cancer has played a big part of his life with ones close to him. This is a hard time for our hearts.
It ‘s weird to think that there is a part of me that shines less. I am Spanish and American. I come from parents of two different cultures, my heredity is encoded in me. We are full of depth and mystery, however there are parts that are integral to who we are. I know that my American culture has dominated more in my life than my Spanish. This is not an omission of rejecting my Spanish roots, its recognizing that I have not balanced it well. Most people I meet can visually see I am mixed however I do not have an accent.
It just hit me a couple days ago, I feel like I’m wanting to embrace all of me, celebrate all of who I am. ( I have done this to a certain degree but this feels different) I think helping my boyfriends niece with Spanish got my wheels turning. Going back to Spain a couple years ago, being surrounded by family, its part of me.
It’s my niece Madison’s Birthday today, she turns 5 !!! She ‘s one of my influential people. She is a very head strong, independent human being. I miss not being able to see her on a regular basis. She loves animals and she got to go horse back riding again for her birthday celebration. I wish I was there with her.
Happy Birth Day Madison ! Lots of Hugs and Kisses, I Miss You Very Much.
This is a video for my niece Madison, she wanted a video of sandy, she knows she has an injured leg. ( it’s her right front leg) She tells sandy how much she misses her via the phone. This is a must do for my little Chickie poo. I shot this today 01/08/2013 ! Still practicing with video filming.
We went out to Freeport again yesterday and spent the day with my boyfriends family. It is amazing to see they are 5 brothers with their own personalities and stories within their family. Siblings all have a different experience in their own lives, in and out of their family dynamic. Time, age, experience, are all variables in this game of life. Our reality vs what we perceive to be true within ourselves and those around us is a challenge, and can be a little biased instead, of more objective.
We got to his brothers house around 7 p.m. and all the brothers were there except Greg, who was coming from out of town, he arrived not to long after we did. It has been 8 years since I had seen one of the brothers, and 5 years for another. Time does not standstill. There were wonderful conversations, catching up, and typical sibling ragging on one another, (men ?) and wonderful food.
I’m excited, he has 4 older brothers and they are all meeting in the Freeport area. (Two live out of town and one out of state). It does not happen very often. I hope to hear about their parents and childhood family experiences and their current ones. From being with my boyfriend, I have an idea of the amazing parents he had. I hope this puts fire under their butts to meet more often, and not just when there is an illness. They are all very smart intellectual boys, and it comes from a lineage in their family tree. The lineage is what is left behind and its nice to see how it progresses, and you have to be in the loop to see that wonder happen.
It’s the day after Christmas,it felt different this year. It was pure joy visiting with my brother last night and listening to my nephews describe all the goodies they got from Santa, and their mother and father. I feel lighter, just calm around children, they have such beautiful energy ( even if at times they can test your patients) they have a much more pure way of looking at things.
My brother and his wife always give a lot during Christmas to charity and the family. I’m picky about things I buy, I want it to be practical, functional in my world, and they always do an awesome job with their gifts. They do it with out any input.
Unfortunately my sister lives out of state now and my parents are visiting her, so I did not get to see all of my family.
To my family in Iowa and in Spain, I hope everyone is doing well and joyous in their lives. I have not been back to Iowa in many years, over 28. I was back in Spain in 2011. So much has happened in a year, and what a gap of 28 years. Lineage on both sides of my parents families, I want to know my family tree, I know a couple of people on my fathers side are doing it, not sure about my mothers side. Although I am away, and awful with correspondence, letters, emails, I think about everyone.
To all the souls who have been a part of my life, you are thought of.
Somehow on Wednesday my dog injured her right front leg, we put it into a splint and hoping in a week it will be okay. She may have to go to the vet. I think she sprained or pulled something, I’m hoping she did not brake it. She is a hundred pounds so balancing and caring that weight is a challenge for her.