Category: About Nat

Good Day #Tyler, and #TeamTyler, From Natalia’s Heart

So I have been pretty open about my personal struggles through out my life with friends,  family members, my blog, however, not completely with my immediate family,  it has been a work in progress..  I know my sadness  started back when I was a kid, and it was shoved deep down. I have shared in earlier post about some of this ,I was aware that I wanted things to be nicer, to see and feel different.  I am the oldest of my three siblings , This is my version, what I internalized and decoded.

For some reason growing up I was not as close to my family as I would have like to have been, We were close, however, there was this invisible heartfelt difference between my family and I, I felt different or made to feel different, like my  personality, way of being me, was not completely acceptable.  I have mentioned before in earlier post that I was called an airhead, I would shut down conversations as soon as I heard and felt the ugliness being spoken, an unfriendly, unkind tone.I would just stop conversing abruptly and not respond to the ugly tone directed at me. As a kid you do not name it, label it, you just feel it in your heart, a sadness.   I had a great family, however there was a lot of negativity, people/adults tend to continue their negative ways, thinking the other person or other people are going to fix the situation, however, if a child is born into a team, the coaches have to participate and help their fellow players. Parents need to see themselves as life coaches, if you want a loving, supporting team/children, players, behaved players well show them, guide them,  to becoming, behaving their way into the family team.they were put in.  No one can put anothers intentions, actions into the world, one has to do it him or herself.  I understand children because I was a child , that child who was  powerless against the adults, my parents. Children react to their parents reaction, so if a parent is speaking ugly, the child will speak or react ugly.  Children are innocent, vulnerable, they are completely dependent on their parents/adults, for at least the first 15 years of their lives.  When you have a child, it is your responsibility to be the best, do the best, to show and make a child feel love, and to be seen and heard, no matter their age.. So because I felt my self being ridiculed, not acceptable, made to feel there was something wrong with me, I retreated. I put a gate around my heart..  As a young child I did not have the tools, or knew about any tools yet in my tool box, to make changes.  Back then, being smaller in a world of giants, I did not have power, or was not on the  same playing field to request or make those changes.

So about 5 years ago I started to see and feel that my sadness started to take a toll on me physically and mentally.( It was a familiar feeling that was in a pit inside of me that came back louder)  I had my boyfriend in my life, and things were just not working the way they should feel, and be, I had a job doing landscaping where it was male dominated, I was constantly defending my abilities or proving them , these were two of the many things tugging at my heart, breaking it little by little, so during the last five years I started to retreat from people, myself, I would disappear and then reappear.  It was finally me allowing myself to be in the sadness, dissecting it, owning it, when you runaway from whatever emotions, they do not go away, you have to come up with a solution to the problem yourself, no one else can do it for you or be it for you. People/individuals will continue to spread their crap, ugliness, disrespect, around in the world , and it will come back over and over until they decide to make a change to see that change.

Look Into Your Other Health Options

Back in my  Nov. 25 , 2012   blog post I had mentioned I was going to start doing the  p 90 program and videoing my progress well that has not happened, wow since 2012 , time flies.  In an older post I had indicated I had gone sky diving (my post Nov.21, 2012) and I guessed my weight at 160, I never weighed myself for the jump. (I had not weighed myself in a long time)  I started to notice a change in my body back in 2005 when I started putting on weight. (there were other feelings as well besides the physical) So, I started trying  to look into what may be causing it.  When you were always one way, and then things about yourself started feeling different, uncomfortable movements, uncomfortable feelings, limited flexibility starts to occur,, you want to change it, better it for yourself ( one life, one body).  I remembered blogging about  how I was going to start introducing into my world the p90 program ,and then  in my March 30, 2013 post I commented about getting my new job landscaping for the next  2 years, so that appeased my requirement  in getting more  exercise. It did not solve my problem completely, however I was moving in a better direction. I have always believed in implementing some form of exercise to your entire life span. I believe in doing an exercise that works for you. I attribute my healthy eating to my parents, my mom always cooked healthy meals, there was never a lot of junk food, so I had a solid foundation, map, for healthy choices. ( that does not mean they can not change).

When I lived in Jacksonville, Florida years ago, I remember fasting for a 24 hour period and it was not as hard as I thought it was going to be. Since I had a memory of it, and I had accomplished it, I made it doable, attainable for later. Early this September someone very dear to me shared they were doing a 30 day fast, we spoke throughout the duration of the fast and it it seemed  hardest the first three days and then it was  amazingly easy, and there was lots of energy., wonderful sleep, just amazingness.  I have always wanted to stay active,  healthy, not in a vanity way, but in a longevity long term way. So now  in November of this year, I started fasting.    I do intermittent fasting, I eat from 8 a.m to 4 p.m. ( which usually breaks down to two meals a day ) and then I just drink water until I go to bed.  I hardly get hungry, I crave nourishing things and since I get fuller faster  Iwant better choices going into me. I am choosing now what goes into my body and the things I want to learn and understand.  I have so much more of a focus and I pay attention to what is around me, what I am putting out.  There are many people who  have fasted for 30 days and they were fine, no harm came to them.. Fasting has existed since the beginning of time, religions have practiced it, its in the bible, and yet this great historical practice was lost. You have to take a dive unto the unknown, question the professionals you are listening too.

Why did we forget that God created everything, he made everything that we needed in its natural form, natural medicines, and yet in this century, many have  and are taking synthetics.

This is a video by Dr. Suzanne Humphries and she shared important, real, information about cholesterol, statens, fats…..etc.  There are many doctors like Ms. Humphries, who are going against the indoctrinated and artificial medicines, you can search for healthier alternatives to actually heal and cure your illnesses.

Best Gift Ever !

So On the 25th, my family and I congregated at my brothers house,  it was a party ! No football, not t.v. no video games, we were all interacting, talking, dancing, It brought me back to my family in Spain.  We always got together and there was little or no alcohol involved, I never saw Italians or the Spanish abuse alcohol, this was  back between  my living experience there in the 80’s and 90’s.

I had written, given two letters, one to my sister and one to my brother they were heartfelt, many might say, well speak it instead, well I am hoping that it will evolve into a new, different, open exchange verbally (baby steps). I put my heart into the letter, and I put that energy into the universe and it put out positive particles of energy.

If you have read about me in my blog one of my earliest heartaches, sadness was that my immediate families communication level and true closeness was needing improvement  I was a child, what kind of power did I have ? Parents set the example, the theme of a family dynamic, I think that is why I relate to children, they want your time, understanding  and most of all to see and feel your love.

No Longer A Zombie

I was a semi zombie in the world.  I think that living in Spain, (being born there, and my mother is from there), and in Italy allowed me to see differences in parts of the world, different cultures, customs etc….. I witnessed and experienced a  much more unity of family,  care, entire families walking together, taking daily strolls, and sitting in a restaurant for hours, eating talking, laughing,or going to a pastry shop for coffee, ( back then there was a lot more walking and less cars on the road).  The people in Sicily and Rota Spain had a wonderful balance of work and family, there was a priority of family for them,  care, happiness, noisiness, and when you visited they always wanted to feed you.  There were frequent gatherings, they put out some awesome energy. (now mind you this was  pretty much from birth up until 1990., pre  cell phones, laptops),  I did most of my underage living overseas, ( high school years,) so I did not have an understanding of America, or its culture.  As an adult when I moved to the states, the very first obvious difference was a need for a vehicle and working hours. Europeans did not have 8 hour working days, they had a balance between working and family enjoyment, It really was a beautiful thing to experience.

So when I started using the internet and searching through it, I started to find individuals who were sharing information that I did not get from t.v, newspapers, education institutions,  One of my favorites is  Cindy Kay Currier’s you tube channel, and others , trying to expose a world of information to all of us that has been hidden, hoping we would never discover or question the narrative.. One of my many wishes is that all the real truthers on the internet collaborate, support each other, help #Tyler build his good purpose for humanity.

Morning Beach Walk

So I decided to put gas in the car before heading on our beautiful morning adventure, and it started with a grasshopper next to the keypad on the terminal at the gasoline station. It was a nice surprise, usually I am to slow at capturing these great moments, however I did it today ! I have mentioned before how lousy I have been on taking photographs, no worries though. I took my niece (Madison, who I introduced in my blog  back in my January 14,2010 post) to the beach for a walk and seashell hunting. We just took in all the great scenery, digging our feet in the sand and picking up seashells, simply a great way to start the day !

Do Not Focus On The Exterior Around You

The video that I put in my blog yesterday was a very tell tell of what has been happening to our children of the world. Hollywood, Disney have always been infiltrated by the devil, the relationship between adults and children, being presented as “acting” all under the umbrella to trick you into thinking what you are seeing is okay, when it never was, the majority of it. Our children are being born and brought up in the most horrible ways. Everything that is created in movies, tv shows is tainted with abominations, even though it seems to present hints of innocence. These children are being abused physically and mentally.  The children that are abused become the abuser, continuing  the cycle to destroy humanity on this earth. They take the most precious innocent and turn them into monsters, look at it for what it really is, and they make money off all of these lives.  If we stopped feeding the monsters they would collapse, we would be choosing love, harmony, connection, not lies, destruction of everything that is good and decent, the continuation of sin, evilness.

When you take a moment to unplug, get clear, invite our true god back into your heart, you will see and hear the truth.  I hardly watch any tv,  I am choosing to find the real, the beauty that had always been.  Not the trickery and lies used on tv, photographs, makeup, plastic surgery, pharmaceutical medicine, politics, etc… it was all done strategically to convince us that we somehow were imperfect, when gods creations were all made beautiful and perfect.  I started to see the bigger picture of good and evil when  dissecting everything.  I would encourage all my brothers and sisters to disengage from the machine and talk to your maker, ask for the guidance to return back to the beauty that you always were, all the answers you were born with, that you always had. Christians have been persecuted for centuries !

Great video by Richie from Boston, he has been putting up great videos for years !

My Own Awakening

I had been struggling for a while in my life, I had 3 or 4 episodes between 2014 and 2017 that I just retreated and did not want contact with anyone, I withdrew, and my body and mind were telling me so. I had time to go within myself and to figure out my, mistakes, hurts, failures, etc..  You have to be willing to be raw and honest with yourself, look at yourself, forgive yourself, love yourself. If you can not be, and live with you, it will never work with anything or anyone. I needed to go back and remember that I was made perfect with love and that I needed to get back to that. I had a lot of unnecessary storage to get rid of, and to release myself from my prison of pollution. I wanted to be and live in the manner that God had blessed me with, he gave this gift, this way of being to everyone. I had not been to a church in decades, I was raised catholic, however I looked at churches and thought for all the churches in the world, we should have a better world.  Where was God, if we are all Christians mirroring his divines ?

For all the churches, why do we have such a division among our brothers and sister?  Well at my last job, something clicked, I met and spoke to many brothers and sister of the community and their faith, their beauty, was apparent to me that the information displayed on tv, newspaper, magazines and some over the internet was a lie, trickery to present a lie about humanity and mother nature, or they were creating a narrative to divide us.  One example, look at hollywood, it is made up by actors, it is a lie,they get sucked, tucked, modified in every which way into idols,  and we think they display true beauty. The majority of high paid actors, music artist, athletes, judges, politicians,lawyers, sold their soul for all their false riches and they have been working tirelessly to get us to their side. They contribute nothing to our world they swim in an ocean of deceit and keep all their wealth,not helping any worldly causes just placed and photographed, unless they are slaves themselves and their lives are lies living in their devils hell. They are used in many facets to con us to confuse us, some of the actors and actresses that people hold in high regard are not the gender they display.  This is all the work of the devil to trick us and make us believe a lie, when God told us the truth, and he is no where for us to listen to him because we bought into lies and trickery.

The deceits, lies go deep into our ways of life around the world.  Our country our world is not what it is suppose to be.  We have been incarcerated for centuries in invisible cages, with the illusion of freedom and the beauty, the abundance that was ours has been hidden, stifled from us.

I understand now that ones words and actions should align otherwise you are polluting the universe. We are energy emitting positive or negative energy. If you are love you are the expression of it, mind body and soul,  you have  free will, the choice to feed yourself properly with all that is love, real and good, truthful, the tree of life. Or you choose from the fruit of knowledge and spread disease.

I reside in the state of Florida, of the united states of america, so I can only speak of the laws, the false made up control where I live, and the 50 states that all this resides in my immediate reality. I understand the big picture affects our whole world.

Remembering A Year And A Half Worth Of Memories

December 13, 2015 was my last post, wow how time flies !   12 days later,  my big toe was cut with my fathers Christmas gift on Christmas day !  We arrived back at my parents house  after spending the day at my brothers house.  I go to the back of the SUV,  lift the door, and the poster comes flying down on my toe.  I had flip flops on, (it was a hot Christmas day in Florida), I did not react fast enough.  My father drove me to the ER, they sewed the toe, it was a nice long  gash. Here is a picture of that gift,( 3×3 metal  poster ), and when I am in my parents patio, that memory comes back.

What a difference a year and  6 months makes, let alone minute to minute. I have so many things to document.  I like to keep tabs of  all that is going on with me.  One might say ” well keep a journal its private” however, I like openness, and maybe there are things that resígnate with people , or it allows or opens up a different perspective for the reader, through my experiences, opinions, views, etc…..

 

Relationships, Relation Ships

Anything worth having in life requires dedicating time to it. When you are single and off on your own, you only worry about yourself,your shelter, your food supply, your sustainability in the world. Life is easy for one.  Then one day  you stumble upon and meet a human that reflects a lot of your fundamental beliefs/values, a friendship and romantic chemistry that is all encompassed, it’s magic, it’s rare, its kismet!  You make the decision to progress forward with this magical connection, testing it out, making sure its real and not fleeting. Through  time, some individuals escalate the testing to live in the same space and incorporate both lives together, the sustainability now becomes 2 instead of one. So living in the same space brings a slew of  testing elements, each individual brings their way of being, thinking, to the romantic relationship. Within a loving, romantic relationship there has to be a wonderful friendship, and then an awesome individual relationship with our self. Keeping yourself intact is your job, people, places things just enhance your world experience.

Our way of being begins from nurture and nature, our genetics map us (our parents, grandparents, maybe great grandparents, maybe skipping generations) so does your upbringing, in and out of the home  we are raised for those 18 years. Not everyone gets that amount of time, it varies on ones circumstances, their life. Not everyone has or gets siblings, or both parents, or even parents. So as infants we are taught and hopefully guided to perfect our motor skills  , and protect our tender brain spot to help us develop into the adults that we become.  Our personalities develop by 6 and then parents add or subtract from our learning curve, and then we start to add or subtract stuff along our independence journey.

For my first 20 years of life I lived under my parents roof, and they tried to teach me the lessons of life, being responsible, independent, tools to defend myself through my way in the world.  So I had 20 years of juggling advise and observing a couple demonstrate their love, to each other and how they presented their love and their genders to myself and my siblings.  So there are all these relationships going on with each other as well as how my female and male role-model  parents interact with each other, us,individually, and together as a family.  There is a lot going on within the family you are raised in, and there are things that are instilled in you, and when children are finding, and discovering  themselves, parents play a very influential part in the process.

These are stages and dots that I have been connecting and continue to connect in my life.  Introspection and analyzing everything, choices, emotions,people,places and things in my life.

I have data that I collected being raised in my family home, then when I moved away into my own home, being single, I put all my tools, nurture, nature things to test. I had old and new data to analyze, what I was taught as a child and then what I learned being on my own, making all my decisions based on guidance and tools taught to me by my parents. The example they displayed of their loving relationship between a man and woman, their individual gender roles of how a woman and man behave, ( whatever genders a child is raised with) the responsibility that they demonstrated with finances, jobs/work ethic, hygiene, in their choices of behavior towards each other and us. I took all that data and then with  my experiences incorporated all of it into my way of being and thinking. One thing that I found is that children tend to repeat what they learned from their experience in their families.  You observe 18 years of a relationship being played out before your eyes and ears.  Think about how TV influences the masses, so parents definitely leave a mark on their children. That is why you always hear break the cycle whether it is our own world history or our own personal family history that we want to improve.  As Humans we are not perfect, our genetic make up, genes passed down from generations,nature/nurture, effects us all in different ways. So take everything you are exposed to, analyze it and try to improve yourself, what ever predisposed and new data you are dealing with.

Ball Game Nights

This Monday and Tuesday night I went to see my nephew play ball. I enjoy watching him.  This is one of my favorite seasons of the year to be outdoors. So being outdoors, watching the skills that the children are developing, especially my nephew, is a great time. It is a real treat, and many of these moments only happen once.  Landon will never be 7 again( Madison will never be 7, Bryce 13, Nathan 16, Alyson 18, all my nephews and nieces ). I have always had a profound respect, adoration for children. They are beautiful young people with beautiful open hearts and minds. Adults have a huge responsibility to respect, love and do right by these smart absorbing sponges.